Disclosure: this is not a happy post. The first 9 weeks seemed like a complete walk in the park compared to the cumulative lack of sleep from this past week. I dealt with it phenomenally... up until 3 am last night. Then I had a meltdown. Literally. Sitting in the rocking chair sobbing.
Jonah was doing so great with the eating/sleeping thing- back when I had no reason to get up and be productive during the day. Now that I'm back to work he's eating at midnight and then every 2 hours after that. He'll only eat on one side and be so tired he'll go back to sleep... only to wake up for another snack about the time I fall into a nice comfortable sleep. Since feeding takes about 30 minutes, I'm sleeping in 1.5 hour intervals. Not sustainable. Last night I thought I would throw out all the rules about the middle of the night... I turned on the light, I changed him after he ate on the first side rather than before, I talked to him. Despite all my efforts he would not. wake. up. Diesel hasn't been feeling great the past few days so he was up puking in the dining room, Chopper has allergies (or so says the vet... we need to get a second opinion) so he OBSESSIVELY licks his paws. Which is super annoying to listen to especially in the middle of the night. I just couldn't handle it and sat in the rocker with my sleepy baby and cried. Hard. Dustin woke up and tried to help. He put Jonah to bed and cleaned up the puke. I cried myself to sleep... until 5 am when Jonah woke up for another nibble.
I'll get it figured out. No one said it was going to be easy. It's not really that bad it just all came out at this moment in time. And now I'm going to b*tch about my husband. Which I don't normally do or condone.
You see tomorrow is my birthday, and my girlfriends are taking me out. The kind of out that requires me to thaw out some of that breast milk I've been so diligently pumping and saving, and dump out the milk I produce while we're at said outing. They're picking me up, and Dustin is coming to get me. We were discussing this plan and the conversation went something like this:
Dustin: "So are you still going to be able to get up with him and feed him after you get home?"
Me: "Well, it is my birthday... maybe we can split the night or something? Like you get up until 3 am and I do the early morning shift?"
Dustin: "I'm not sure how that's going to work... I mean, I have to work the next day. I'll talk to my boss... maybe I can just take half a day or something on Tuesday..."
TAKE HALF A DAY??! You have to WORK...?!?! Well guess what, so do I! And I have been! And I've been getting up!!! Every two hours!!! You get to sleep and occasionally get out of bed if/when you feel it's necessary. You are getting sleep and going to the gym just like you did before and I can barely eat healthy due to being so sleepy much less find the time and/or energy to work OUT. AND it was MY BODY that went through great lengths to have our baby and really needs a good diet and gym time!!! AND SLEEP!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I NEED SLEEP.
OK. That's all I got. It's not worth fighting over, especially when I'm in this tired, fragile state. He's being very sweet-- he just doesn't get it. I tried once to argue my point and he thought since he sits at a desk all day and I get to be "out and about and at least walk around" that made it different. Whatever. I can handle it.
Sorry it's a ranting, emotion filled post... but it's reality, and it's my life right now.
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