adventures in breastfeeding

Jonah is nearly 7 months old. In just the past week alone a tooth has broken the skin, he's able to get up on his haunches and rock back and forth, and is eating three meals of "real people food" a day. 

I was so hell bent on breastfeeding him from the get-go Dustin and I spent hours (and I mean HOURS) trying to get him to latch and even doing entire feedings using a curved tipped syringe while Jonah sucked on my finger. I wouldn't give up. I woke up with him every single night for every single feeding (except of course those times when I was out of town for work) because I was scared my supply would tank if I missed a feeding. Formula terrified me. I heard the horror stories and of course believed every one of them without doing an ounce of research. It's not that I judged women who formula fed (okay I'll admit I did judge the women that didn't even try to breast feed) I just didn't want it for my baby.

Then New Jersey happened. I pumped, and I pumped, and I pumped, and thanks to the guy working in the mail room one day my FedEx package didn't go out, so Dustin and Felicia were left without any breast milk to feed my munchkin. This happened to take place on the day of our 5 year wedding anniversary... in my third week of training. Needless to say I had a little meltdown. Well a medium one really. Dustin was angry in his oh-so-protective way. Angry that I did everything I needed to and it was someone else's mistake that screwed it all up. After I got over feeling so devastated  I began to feel... liberated. It dawned on me that it wasn't the worst thing in the world for my six month old to have formula once in a while. I had no idea how to mix it up, but of course Felicia did, and both of us had identical cans of free Similac they had shipped out at home. So Jonah had formula, and mommy had drinks :) 

I will feed him in a car!

We're back to exclusive breast feeding now- mainly because I'm home and it's easy, but Sunday I leave for Mississippi for Field Sales Training, and somehow my stock of frozen milk was 100% depleted this week. I'm over it. After getting home from New Jersey I didn't so much as touch my pump- I'm pretty sure I left my used parts in the ziploc bag. I dreamt my pump grew a tape worm, and the tape worm got under my toe nails...?!? Then I had to drag it to St. Louis for a day while I met with my new boss. He took me to his house where I met his sweet midwestern wife and we sat in the basement and did business planning all morning. It was such an intimate setting I was scared to say anything, but by 1100 my boobs felt like they were going to burst (Jonah's last feeding was at 0430 that morning). I had to excuse myself. As I sat in my new boss' bathroom pumping while he was just a few feet away I decided I'd had enough of the little black bag with a tape worm. My Mississippi training is with another gentleman and it's essentially job shadowing him day in and day out- I just don't want to deal with him waiting for me twice a day while I tend to my mommy business. 

I will feed him from afar!

It's pretty comical when I think of all the little binds my "mommy business" has gotten me into in the past 7 months. One of my first days back to work I was stuck in the OR for hours and hours- they were using my device and I couldn't leave- sure enough after about hour 4 my scrub shirt had two little wet circles on the front and I had to beg the circulating nurse for a jacket to cover up my lactating self. I've pumped (and breastfed) in more public bathrooms than I can count, including an airplane lavatory as it sat on the tarmac for hours. I wasn't the bravest of breastfeeding moms, but did do the duty in a restaurant while waiting for a table. I'm not sure how many hours Dustin and I have put sitting in the car- me in the back seat feeding Jonah and him in the front seat patiently waiting. Today Jonah ate while I sat on the floor of a Macy's fitting room (why they didn't have a chair was beyond me and it was one of those can't-get-the-boob-in-his-mouth-fast-enough kind of moments). 

One of the funniest moments of my whole life was at a bar in New Jersey. After spending 2 weeks with everyone in my training class my secret life of pumping was long out of the bag. Our Sales Development Managers planned a fun day of laser tag followed by a little congregating at a local pub. Good stuff~ except that it meant spending hours upon hours without access to my own car, or room, or the nice little "nurture space" the institute provided. A few beers in to the pub experience I had to go to the bathroom and pump. As I sat there I thought (as I often do) what a waste to dump out perfectly good- and nutritious- breast milk. My dogs weren't there to eagerly lap up my alcohol infested antibodies so I would be left to sadly dump it out. Then it dawned on me. I returned to the table to share my idea with Pai, one of my classmates from Miami, and he was game. I snuck off to the bar and ordered a shot of Bailey's, then back to the black bag to pour the Bailey's into one of my Medela bottles. I handed it to Pai and it seemed as if that yellow cap caught everyone's attention. Pai took the lid off, hesitated for a second and then took it down in one shot. Holy crap I thought people's eyeballs were going to pop right out of their heads. Looks of disbelief, disgust and distaste flooded their little faces, and our teacher got up from his seat and laid down on a bench across the room as if he was exasperated. I was laughing so. freaking. hard. I could barely talk, and only when Sal got up off the bench and began repeating over and over "HE DRANK YOUR BABY'S MILK!" did I fill him in that he had been punked. SO SO SO funny. 

My plan is to continue BFing morning and night, but not to pump anymore during the day. Of course since I'll be gone day and night for the rest of my training I'll still have to drag the damn tape worm infested bag with me, but it won't have to leave my hotel room at least :)

We wish you a Merry Christmas

I sure am thankful Jonah is too little to understand this whole Santa Claus thing. In my youth my parents didn't want to take away from the real meaning of Christmas, so I never believed. "Santa" would fill our stockings in the night, but we always knew who was behind that. This leaves me with no idea how any of this works! Does Santa wrap the presents? Does he get the big gifts or the smaller ones? Do the kids compare notes on which gifts Santa brought?

Needless to say we did not have Jonah's picture taken with Santa this year- although I'll admit I woke up on Christmas Eve in a bit of a panic, feeling like a bad Mom for not taking him. Unfortunately I also woke up with a sore throat and body aches, so we didn't even make it to candlelight service last night :( Poor Jonah got his first snotty nose for his first Christmas. Despite sounding like a COPD'er this morning I am feeling a bit better, so Santa best get a move on before the man in my life gets out of bed ;)

Merry Christmas to all! xx

Catch up...

I love this photo. Felicia sent me this one while I was in NJ... what more could a working mama ask for.

is the name of the game I'm playing. Catch up on life. Catch up on emails and phone calls and laundry... catch up on time. Catch up on fricking housework (cannot wait for the cleaning lady Dustin promised me in Iowa). Now I'm trying to catch up on my blog. I remember my friend Kristin telling me there will come a time when things change so quickly with Jonah it will be hard to keep up. We're officially there! 

In the past few weeks he's discovered his hands. Which is even more adorable than him sucking on his toes believe it or not. He'll be playing with something then suddenly realize his hand is in front of him and look at it as if he just had his nails done. Fricking adorable. 


He had his 6 month appointment on Friday and remains on track as a long and lean little boy... 25th percentile for weight and 75-85th for height.  And 100% perfect I might add. He's also started babbling more than I remember ever hearing a baby babble. "Babababa" and "cacacaca" have taken on a whole new level of importance in our house. And his laughs. Oh my gosh he laughs SO hard. It's like the heavens have opened up and love and life have been poured into my soul. 

I finally found the courage and determination to decorate for Christmas. A special shout out to my mother in law who cannot get enough of Mr. Man, and watched him for the entire day on Friday while I cleaned my house like a crazed woman with a meth addiction. I nested. I embraced Christmas like I've never embraced Christmas before. I had so many fond memories while cleaning and decorating I missed my mom like mad. It was glorious!

Gage and Jonah

This weekend we were blessed with the presence of my brother's family. His little boy and Jonah are just 6 weeks apart. I'm usually so focused on cleaning and whatever else it's hard to relax and enjoy the time with my niece and nephew (Kaide is 3 and Skyler 5). This time around it was great to have Jonah doing tummy time and being able to slow down and enjoy life with the kiddos. Somehow all the other stuff STILL got done ;) 

Tonight while putting Jonah to bed- who was a tad crabby and possibly teething and/or getting his first little cold- I had my first dose of "Christmas magic". I know it sounds a little nuts, but I really felt something that I have never in my life experienced. All the lights were out and he was trying to settle down, and the tiny little Christmas tree in his room was lit up. I felt centered and so very grateful. We have so very much to be thankful for this year. God is so good.

Posting on the fly....

I'm actually typing this on a plane on my way back to New Jersey for week 2 of training for my new job.  It was so good to be home for the weekend although my heart aches just as much as it did last Sunday when I left my boys. Reuniting with Jonah after being away for 5 nights was amazing- I was surprised at my emotions and he was surprised to wake up half way home from the airport and see me in front of him! :D Although there was a moment of panic I actually did have enough pumped milk in the freezer to last through the week and brought another batch home for this week. My company has the nicest "nurture space" complete with a sink, a fridge and magazines for me to do my thing while I'm at the institute. The only part that sucks is when my boobs wake me up in the middle of the night and all I have is a stupid pump to turn to rather than a snuggly little boy. I had some problems falling back asleep after the mid-night pumping sesh at first-- 2 hours of insomnia is not fun when you're sitting in a classroom all day long. Wednesday night Dustin said about flying solo with Jonah: "it's been a lot of work but it's been a lot of fun too".  That coupled with a glass of wine or two made for a full night's sleep... and a full 9 ounces of milk in the morning!

As expected Dustin was amazing and Felicia sent the cutest text messages and pictures every day. We were able to FaceTime every night, Jonah responded so much more compared to my October trip to Chicago.

The moving deal is working itself out... Dustin and I decided NOT to rent out our home in Minnesota and rather wait until March to list it (upon suggestion from our realtor/uncle whom we trust completely). It's going to suck to pay for a home we're not living in, but I would rather do that than rent it at a loss every month and have strangers live in it for a year only to have to deal with it next winter. I feel good about our decision. I found a home for us to rent in Cedar Rapids that has a fenced in yard for "the guys" (our two Puggles that I just realized I don't really talk much about...oopsy) and is close to family-- and just a mile from my best friend and her 14 month old I might add :)  We're going to be stretched thin for a little bit but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Jonah continues to transition into the most adorable little boy ever. He's really good at fighting naps for us on the weekends which makes for really long days. This weekend I said to Dustin: "we need to ask Felicia what she does" and he said she runs the vacuum cleaner.  Of course! Today after about an hour of feeding him and trying to coax him to sleep I laid him down and turned on the blow dryer, and low and behold the little munchkin slept for a few hours! What am I going to do without Felicia. Above everything leaving her and her boys makes me the saddest. Little Dylan is such a softie... I actually shed a few tears on my way home from my final interview knowing I nailed it and that would mean we would be moving away. I've got to think of something really special to do for them before we go.

I'm still carrying around that damn 10 pounds. I took a break from the gym inadvertently-- with the layoffs and interviewing and that laryngitis along with an annoying knee pain and Jonah starting solids meaning dinner time replaced my normal gym time. I just couldn't-- or didn't-- fit it in. After a few visits to PT I'm starting to run again and feel so good about it. It's something I can fit in anywhere, and I'm just committing to 3 days a week. I'll be happy to get into more of a regimen once life settles down a bit, but for now I'm just thankful to be back at it. This weekend I asked Dustin if he thought I would ever get back to my normal self and he replied: "if you want to". What a powerful statement! I do want to!!! Since I'm in sales and goal oriented I wrote down some goals for myself. They're actually pretty easy and attainable:

1. lose 4 lbs/month (about 1 lb/week) which would put me at my pre preg weight by March.

2. continue the couch to 5k program (followed by the 5k to 10k) running 3 days a week

3. limit sweets to 3 bites a day 

Actually I didn't write that third one down but thought of it later and think it deserves a spot on my post it note. The good news is I'm not obsessing about it anymore. Maybe it's the happy pills doing their job, or the fact that I'm running again... whatever it is it feels good to notice someone checking me out and think to myself "I look alright for having a six month old at home". And I'm only going to look better! 

I found out this week the National Sales meeting for my new company is in Puerto Rico.....!!!! I'm so stoked! One thing I learned from my Grandparents Elliott was that life is all about making memories. I love to travel and make memories and fortunately so does Dustin, so no matter how tight money is we will always figure out a way to see the world.  I can't wait to see Jonah in his little Batman swimming suit :D xx

I deserve...

My friend Danielle is so wonderful and wise beyond her years. She is 10 years my junior and we compliment each other so well. She grew up on the East coast and Little Miss Midwest here can learn a LOT from her about how to get what you want when you want it. She's also my fashion expert. One of the many things I love about "us" is my transition into motherhood didn't change or slow down our friendship. Before Jonah we would work out together and spend hours eating sushi. After Jonah we take him in the stroller for a run, or meet for lunch, or go shopping... I feel guilty being so excited to move home when she's right here, and we chatted about it over a drink after shopping yesterday (while Jonah squirmed and ate the tissue paper out of our Express bag). She said "you deserve to be surrounded with people that lead a similar life"... just like she deserves to be surrounded by bar hopping hotties! ;) She's so spot on. Don't get me wrong, I love drinking wine and FaceTiming with my mom, or my best friend in Texas... but that's just not the same as having people here. I will miss her terribly, but I know we have one of those friendships that will conquer the test of time and distance.

SO Jonah~!! At five and a half months he's outgrown most of his 3-6 month clothes. All his long sleeves were too short! On to 9 month outfits! I love being able to walk through the baby section at Target and actually purchase things now. That was something I couldn't wait to do all those months we were trying to get pregnant. I also love picking out his outfits for each day :) I always have to find socks that match whatever he's wearing. OCD that's ME!!! Dustin's mom and sister got him some great little socks, but he's outgrown all of them already... and something I learned the hard way while we were up north last month was that babies need tall socks in the winter. Duh- I know. I spent most of our time hiking holding on to his cold little calves :(

We only tried sweet potatoes a few times...

He's moved on past oatmeal and on to other foods. bananas, avocado, sweet potato, pears and now peas. Adding that little dinner time into our daily routine is SO much fun, however, it's replaced me going to the gym. In fact I haven't been in a good routine since we started him on solids the beginning of October :/ I'm trying not to focus on that. Some day I'll be Supermom. For now I'm prioritizing. First comes Jonah, then Dustin, then work. I haven't found time for Sarah just yet. I guess I could be working out right now, huh....

Happy Birthday Henry!!!

I'm a big proponent of beautiful people reproducing. I'm pleased to announce the arrival of a beautifully crafted little boy, Mr. Henry Norman. He was born to a friend of mine from nursing school on Wednesday November 14th. Henry breathed in some stool during delivery, so his first 10 days will likely be spent in the NICU. My heart is both bursting with excitement and aching for my dear friend. I can't imagine the roller-coaster of emotions (and hormones) she must be feeling right now. Please pray for her and her new little family. xx

Happy pill

I'm not sure why I feel ashamed or embarrassed that I take medication for anxiety/depression... it's actually pretty common. I guess we all want to be "normal" naturally. Well I'm not naturally normal, and actually I'm pretty darn thankful for my little happy pill otherwise known as Zoloft. I went off of it when I found out I was pregnant... I think that, diet soda, and lunchmeat were about the only things I gave up. I ate sushi and drank a glass of wine here or there (gasp!) from the get go. I told people I was following the European standards for a healthy pregnancy ;) Back in February a job in Iowa popped up, and my sales director promptly "blocked" me from being able to even post for it much less interview. Gotta love a high dose of Corporate America in your second trimester. I did not handle that well. I remember bawling and apologizing to baby Jonah at the same time... I was so worried my crazy emotions were going to hurt him. My nurse practitioner encouraged me to start taking Zoloft again, but I refused. Naturally there's not formal research on the topic (no pregnant woman in her right mind would be a guinea pig for such a study) and it's only been around since the 1970's. I told the NP I would rather not, however, I did have a glass of red wine here or there to help me relax. You would've thought I told her I was snorting cocaine!!! She did NOT like that at all. Interestingly enough a pretty extensive study was released just after I gave birth, proving what I and those woman in Europe have never doubted. Nana nana boo boo.

I managed okay without that happy pill until my 6 week post-partum check up. I guess I'm not really as truthful in my blog as I claim to be, because I was feeling absolutely panicky at that point. I would cry about something every. single. day, and didn't realize it was an issue until the weekends when Dustin was home and noticed. The thought of going back to work was absolutely paralyzing me-- I really did feel like I wasn't going to see my baby ever again. I also don't think I was bonding with him as much as I could've been. I can't elaborate more on that because it makes me feel really guilty and angry at myself for waiting so long to realize I needed a little help. After bawling to my physician (no more Nurse Practitioner for me) and a little convincing on her part I believed taking Zoloft while breastfeeding was 100% safe and started it again. I think even making the decision to start taking it gave me relief... I will never forget sitting with Jonah that afternoon feeling like I was seeing him in a different light. I took two videos of him that day :*) 

My point of all this is that I ran out of Zoloft last week- and my refills expired- and I forgot to return the call from my physician on Friday- and I am FEELING it. I feel really irritable and frustrated, and less patient for the silliest things like when Jonah gets distracted while feeding. (It may not help that we cleaned the carpets this weekend and the rocking chair is now in front of a 46" TV-- what boy wouldn't be distracted...) Actually I kind of feel like I have PMS... which could be possible too I suppose. I imagine I'll get a period again SOMEday ;) Thankfully those awful heart thumping feelings of anxiety haven't shown their ugly head, and I will be sure to put Zoloft on the TOP of my list of things to do tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow... I unofficially start my new job!!! Two weeks of home study, then three weeks in New Jersey for training, then home for 3 weeks, then one more week of training in the field with another representative somewhere in the US. That puts us in IoWa the middle of January. I'm not even going to get started on all the emotions involved with this paragraph... that will just have to wait. xx

I GOT THE JOB.....!!! Wow my interview went SO well. I actually wanted to hire myself afterwards :D I did a great job of prepping myself beforehand, so things came flying out of my mouth without me actually having to think about it. Did I mention I had some nasty virus and lost my voice this week...? So I managed through the interview (and talking about it to numerous people) all without a voice. I'm proud as punch. And so SO excited.

In other exciting news... that amazing woman going through infertility treatments is PrEgNaNt...!!! Holy crap I'm so excited for her. At the same time she's going through the roller coaster of oh-my-God-I'm-pregnant-but-what-if-I-miscarry. It would be nice if that didn't have to be a concern, but every rose has it's thorn as Poison taught us many moons ago. Just a few more weeks and she'll have the ultrasound where you can see the little blob's heartbeat telling us everything is okay. Looking back there were so many times that the wind was knocked out of our pregnant sails. I'll never forget that long weekend of thinking ~just maybe~ our baby may have a chromosomal disorder. I couldn't even talk about that possibility. Not even to Dustin. I was such a hot mess. Looking back on what I blogged about and shared with people they just thought the concern was a two vessel cord... I didn't even talk about the little concern the ultrasound tech had regarding some "spots" on the baby's heart she thought she saw. What a crazy emotional time that was. And now here we are- with the most perfect baby you ever did see :) I'm excited for little Miss Pregnant to feel the comfort of a healthy pregnancy. She deserves it.

SO... Iowa. The Hubs gets so pissed when I blog about him but I don't know how to blog without him so oops :) I don't think the whole moving thing really hit him until Wednesday when I went for my final interview. We talked and talked about it but it was after I got the verbal offer he decided to share with me his thoughts exactly. I love hearing what he thinks even if it's not what I want to hear. He reminded me that we're moving. Again. For my job. Again. This much is true. What can I say? I thought an amazing life awaited us here! I pictured all sorts of amazing things-- Not the busy life that keeps you from spending time with those you're closest to. I would've never have EVER imagined my job changing into something I didn't want to do, with people I didn't want to do it with. I didn't picture us having a baby and going FIVE MONTHS without so much as seeing a movie together. I didn't picture getting so burned out with weekends hosting overnight guests or traveling to see loved ones... 
I'm ready to be home. Where life is easy. Where friends are really there and family near-by. 

On top of that this new career opportunity is VERY exciting for me. I feel like it wouldn't be so easy if it wasn't meant to be. Right?

OK I'm burned out on blogging tonight... until the next time. xx

Five months

... and full of the dickens! Jonah is literally changing before our eyes. I sure wish he wouldn't be in such a hurry. He recently found the back of his throat, so he does this coughing/laugh thing I haven't been able to catch on video just yet. He's also rolling over! For a while he was stealthy about it, only rolling over when we were out of the room. I would put him to bed then see him on his belly on the monitor... or I would have him laying under his play gym in the nursery while I was getting ready and peek in on him and he would've flopped to his belly and back over again. It won't be long and he will be on the go.

I survived the dismissal of over half of my work team. Last week was one of the hardest and most emotional weeks of my life. My two best girl friends lost their jobs, along with two of the guys I worked with. Out of the three companies that merged ours was the only one to lose teammates. It. was. awful.

I also made a flying trip to Cedar Rapids on Thursday to interview for another position with a sister company to mine for a territory in Iowa. The interview went very well and I'm the only one moving on to the next step- interviewing with the sales director in Chicago this Wednesday. My interview skills are rusty; it's been 3 years since I had to interview for anything. I had so many people calling in recommendations for me the hiring manager was basically sold on me by the time I got there, so it was an extremely laid back interview. Wednesday will be more buttoned up I'm sure. I'm reading the book The Challenger Sale that the manager mentioned during the first interview, and he'll call me early in the week to prep me as well.

I think hubby is feeling better about going back. We'll both miss all the amenities Minneapolis has to offer. Last night I dreamt I was talking to my hair stylist... asking how long I could get away with between haircuts :) Time will tell if we need to worry about all that or not.

#countingsheep

Man am I wide awake. It's 1:13am and I'm already sick of all the other websites I frequent... Shutterfly, Facebook, Pinterest... 

Without going into great detail the company I work for is going through some major changes. Myself and my co-workers will find out Thursday if we have a "seat on the bus" or not with the whole reorganization that's been slowly and painfully unfolding over the past 12 months. In the 19 years I've been working I haven't ever had to worry about losing my job (gulp. That makes me sound old!) I don't think I'm at a huge risk for losing it, but if I've learned anything it's that nothing in life is a guarantee.  So everything feels has like it's in a bit of a standstill at the moment. 

A job in Iowa has come and gone and is possibly coming again, but this time it may not in the area we want... and I thought I liked roller coaster rides! When I initially took the job here I sold the idea to Dustin by saying "We can create our own little life!" Which we have. We're very comfortable in our home and with each other. But there's something missing. I've met some great girls, but they're scattered all over the city, all at different points in their lives. We've even met a few "couple friends", but still we're only interacting with others about once every 4-6 weeks. That's not enough for me. My sweet cousin the photographer did live here with her hubs (who Dustin loves) for a little over a year and just moved away this July; I'm really feeling the void she left behind. I would say my closest friends are my co-workers, but sometimes that can be tricky too. 

People seem to hold you at an arms length in Minnesota- like they don't want to "let you in". Part of the issue has to do with my husband being an introvert in stark contrast to my extrovertedness. He's happy to go to work and come home to Jonah and I. The gym is his extracurricular activity. Our outings together either involve shopping or going to the movies (pre-baby), which is all fine and dandy but I. want. people. I miss tailgating and family gatherings for birthdays. I want people to invite us to their house, meet us at the movies and celebrate the small victories in life with us. I just don't have a sense of community here and I'm not sure quite how to get it. Should it be so hard? Am I the one being difficult or resistant?

Time will tell and I know that everything will work out for the best, but right now I'm weighing all the options. In my head. When I should be sleeping.

I'm also thinking about (and sometimes pinning) that dream house in Iowa, where there's enough room for ALL of our shoes on the shelves in the closets and Jonah grows up knowing his cousins. <3

Up North

I love traveling. Even just a quick weekend trip to Iowa to visit family is something I look forward to. Dustin and I were on our way "up north" this weekend talking about how we love taking Jonah with us wherever we go. (It took us about 6 months to figure out where this up north was that everyone from Minneapolis goes to on the weekends... it's really just anywhere in northern MN in case you were wondering the same.) I like being the family that travels together and love that having a baby hasn't really slowed us down. Well besides me selling my motorcycle and all ;) We figured out in Jonah's 4.5 months on this earth he's been on FIVE little getaways! Three times to Iowa, once to Chicago and now the trip Up North.

A co-worker of mine had invited our little family to join his family in the fabulous VRBO home they had rented right on the North Shore of Lake Superior. We did a lot of hiking during the day at a few of the state parks nearby, and also enjoyed a camp fire under the brightest display of stars I've seen in a very long time.

can you see what's on my left ring finger....?
 MY WEDDING RINGS! They fit again!! :)

Thanks to one of my "pregnancy friends" as I call them... some very inspiring girls from an online post-partum group... I discovered the Ergo carrier. One thing Dustin and I learned in a very short time was the Baby Bjorn is only cool in "The Hangover" movie. In real life it puts all the baby's weight on your upper back and causes a great deal of discomfort and a few trips to the chiropractor. With Jonah in my Ergo I was able to hike for hours without anything more than an increased heart-rate. Jonah was such a trooper, sleeping most of the time we hiked. During one hike a bridge wasn't where it was supposed to be according to the map, so we ended up hiking twice as long as anticipated, and baby boy woke up hungry. He was rooting and happened to be at the right level, and since I dressed appropriately (a tank top under my shirt to allow for peek-a-boo free feeding sessions) I popped a boob into his mouth and low and behold we were hiking AND feeding at the same time! Damn I am one talented individual. My mom later said when I told her: "what a good mommy for bringing nutritious snacks" :D HA!

Jonah continues to make leaps and bounds in his development. He not only giggles but laughs-- really hard sometimes. It's absolutely the best sound in the world. He can also arch his back and lift up his little butt-- that comes in handy during diaper changes. Just this morning Dustin saw him roll over from his back to his stomach while trying to get comfortable in his crib! His first feeding moved to about 3am, which means more uninterrupted sleep for me...YIPPIE! He's typically up for the day around 5:30-6. I like my new smiley alarm clock ;) 

What I find so interesting is Jonah's fascination with technology... already! If he's fussy in the car, we just play "Despicable Me" on the iPad and he's mesmerized. We're planning to get a childproofing case soon so we can download all sorts of apps to keep him busy learning while protecting the device from baby bumps and drools. I'm excited for all the silly cartoons and movies we'll get to watch with him.

I've advertised my blog a bit more lately which has produced a few more followers. Curious as to what they might read, I went back in time re-reading several of my posts, both from this blog and the original. It reminded me of our struggles to get pregnant and just how emotionally exhausting that time was. A woman close to me is going through infertility treatments right now, and I really feel as if my experience has helped her feel hopeful about hers. She's one of the most beautiful women I know, she totally needs to reproduce... fill this world with good people!! One more week and we'll know if IUI #2 worked or not... please pray for her. It also reminded me just how blessed we are to have Jonah, to be able to breastfeed him (something that is really a struggle for many other moms), and to not have to worry about all those things that were a concern during our 20 week ultrasound. God is good.

Happy Halloween :)

Boo Monsters Halloween Card

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Fall-ish

As I sit down to write this (very early on a Saturday morning) Jonah is squealing and bouncing in his jumperoo. That has been the best investment! At just a few weeks old Jonah LOVED to stand, so this allows him to stand all he wants, and I can get things done around the house without fear of a dog stepping on him or him falling out. Dustin got a great video of him in action. You just can't help but laugh while watching it.

It's definitely fall outside. I now have to bundle up the little guy to walk the dogs everyday, wondering what we'll do when it's well below freezing :-/ I love having my house all decorated with pumpkins and leaves. Note I did not say I enjoy the act of actually decorating it. I think I mostly like it because they match the color scheme of our living space... this is not the case when Christmas rolls around, but this year I'm really going to push past that. We haven't been home for Christmas since we moved to Minneapolis in 2009, so every year I typically just throw up a tree and a few lights and call it good- no sense decorating for no one to see. This year, however, we've decided to stay home for Christmas so we don't have to chose which parent to visit. With our moms in Maryland and Arizona and our dads on either side of Iowa it makes holiday travel a little tricky/impossible. Now whoever wants to spend the holiday with us is welcome to come to our home! Genius!

I (barely) survived my work trip to Chicago. I did have a great time mingling with the who's who of my company and enjoyed some alone time shopping and SLEEPING. I cried every time we FaceTimed and whenever I went to the bathroom to pump though. Thankfully I won't have to do that again for a few months.

The most depressing part of that trip was that I had to buy dress pants TWO sizes bigger :( I'm so ready to be back to my normal self. The more I read from other moms if you're not one of the lucky ones who loses the weight right away the time period of 3-6 months is something to look forward to. Supposedly this is when you get a big fat burn from breast feeding. Jonah is now four and a half months and I've been stuck at the same weight since my birthday in August with 13 pounds to lose.  I've also heard from several moms who didn't lose the last 5-15 lbs until they weaned. ~sigh~ The more I breastfeed Jonah the more addicted to it I become. It really does suck dragging my "mysterious black bag" everywhere I go, but having such a healthy little boy is all the encouragement I need, so I don't plan to wean any time soon. I count calories, but if I go too low my milk production plummets. I'm trying really REALLY hard to not let it get to me, but to say I wasn't nervous about being in social situations due to it would be a lie. I've learned the best thing to hear as a new mom is "you look great". Those three words can make my whole day. For some reason I've always been super insecure about my body/weight, so this is really messing with my psyche. Thankfully I have a beautiful baby who takes center stage ;)

Four months

Truth be told I'm writing this post later than dated. I was actually in Chicago for Jonah's 4 month birthday. Of course Felicia texted me adorable photos and I got to FaceTime with him after Dustin got home. Thank God for technology! At Jonah's 4 month check up he weighed just shy of 14 lbs which is actually the 10-25% even though his little cheeks make him look chubby. He's still wearing size 2 diapers and 3-6 month clothes fit perfect, although we can still get away with wearing 0-3 month pants.

As the pediatrician recommended we started cereal! And no that doesn't help him sleep through the night. He's still up some time between midnight and 2 am and again at 6. He does enjoy it, however, and picked up on opening his mouth for the spoon right away.  




He also recently found his feet :) It's so cute when he grabs them while I'm changing his diaper; it's like he's trying to help. All in all he's just absolutely adorable and we can't get enough of him. xx

My latest online project...

We have Facebook, we have YouTube... then there's blogging, and instagram, and I tried to make Picasa work for photo sharing but it just didn't. I've always loved Shutterfly, for no other reason than their website is pretty easy to navigate. I've had great luck with their prints and pretty good luck with their cards as well (unless I forget to chose glossy print) and they're so fun to make. So my next venture is this website from Shutterfly where you can view, download and purchase photos! I'm trying to help everyone feel as if they're super close. I think I'm doing an okay job :)

Anyway you should check it out... we had Jonah's 3 month photos taken and they are absolutely breathtaking. Just when I think no photo shoot can be any better she amazes me.  I love my Jenni O.

I don't really like blogging.

Is it supposed to take so long to write each entry?  I find I can spend over 30 minutes typing and editing and adding pictures.  Facebook is so much more appealing to me, but I always think about my blog like it's a friend of mine.  Random thoughts pop into my head and I want to record them. Things I don't really want my Facebook "friends" to see. My thoughts on religion. The crazy dreams about guns and snakes and really the end of the world I've been having that I attribute to my new found interest in politics. All the myths you hear about becoming a parent that I would like to debunk. How I'm supposed to be starting the Nurse Practitioner program at Georgetown November 1st and am choosing not to. Random thoughts that I don't take the time to write out.

So here's my happy thought of the day: I feel like I was made to be a Mom. My life really does have a purpose now that didn't exist before. I feel laser focused on every aspect of my life, and am able to accomplish SO much more now than I ever was before Jonah. Have you ever heard of the book "The Strengths Finder"? An old boss of mine (who I really couldn't stand but took this away from his existence) had all of his interviewees find their strengths. It's really a neat concept. You buy the book, take an online quiz and find out what your five top strengths are. Then rather than trying to improve your weaknesses you focus your time and energy using your strengths to accomplish your job or whatever it may be. I would love for my husband to do this quiz. I did get my best friend in Iowa to take it and was surprised at her results... it's like peeking into someones brain :) My strengths are: WOO (winning others over), Focus, Achiever, Communication and something to do with gathering information... Learner I think.

Anyway my point of all that is that I really feel out of balance if my Focus is off. Or sometimes I get focused on the wrong thing... which can be catastrophic to a relationship. My Focus is so on point right now. I'm focused on breastfeeding (I may just make it to his first birthday with my attitude), I'm focused on my job, on my home, on my workout routine... the list goes on. This is where I could go off on a tangent about how breast feeding does NOT make the baby weight fall off but I'll save that for another time.

Let's talk about Mr. Amazing! He has recently started to be interested in what everyone is eating. The babysitter said her mom was eating something today and he looked at her and gave her the sad lip b/c she wouldn't share! Dustin and I don't usually sit at the table for meals together, but we're going to need to start so little man can start to learn about those social skills. Some people start cereal as soon as now. Some say 4 months, some say 6. It's actually really confusing to figure out the "right" thing to do. All this thinking has had a positive affect on my relationship with food. I want to be the best role model possible! I've even thought about crazy things like the Paleo diet. After consulting my favorite nutritionist I agree that it's really not a sustainable way of life but it has made me think about my food choices a little differently. The controversy around feeding a baby cereal is a little confusing... is there a nutritional reason to do so? I'll let you know what I find out.

Well it's 9:25 already and I need to get bottles ready for tomorrow ("pack Jonah's lunch" as I like to say) and shower, etc, so I'm signing off without posting pics. Check out YouTube though; I posted a cute video of him in his new Jumparoo today :) xx

September 11

I remember my Grandfather referring to Pearl Harbor Day by its date: December 7th. It always seemed a little funny to me that he knew the exact day; I just didn't understand. That is until September 11th happened. This year I thought about what I would one day tell Jonah about this date in history; how everyone knows exactly where they were on that fateful day and the feelings around it. How there were lines to get gas, and lines to give blood... 

There's SO much I have to teach him. Having a baby really does change a person. For me it's not a complete 360; I still like my "me" time (happy hour!) and a lot of the time it still feels surreal that I am a mom and he is my baby.

It's the subtle changes, like my new found interest in politics and history. Or how I don't have any desire to get on my motorcycle anymore. There's just too much at stake.

More then ever before I realize every day is truly a gift... it's important not to sweat the small stuff and waste any of the precious time we have together. xx

Labor Day

Tummy time is still a source of frustration...

Wow, I now know exactly what it means when people say this time goes by so quickly.  August was a complete blur and here we are at the end of the summer already. Yesterday our little Jonah was three months old. THREE MONTHS!  He changes so quickly we don't always notice it. I was talking to my mom who heard him coo in the background... she said "oh my, that's new!" and I was like "um, no he's been doing that for a while..." That prompted me to go back and look at the youtube videos I posted and oh. my. goodness. how much he's changed! Just this weekend Jonah gave us the "sad lip" and made a little whimper.  Dustin said "oh great now you have a whine to go with the lip?!"  It's little things like that that change everyday. We're onto size 2 diapers and it won't be too much longer before he's in his 3-6 month outfits. And he likes his toys now! I was about ready to return his little play gym but now he loves it. He "yells" and squeals at the octopus that hangs from the middle, and his little arms and legs flail all over the place.

Dustin and I decided I would go on that 3 night work trip to Chicago at the end of the month. I'm excited and nervous about that. Jonah is a great baby but he definitely likes his mama. Not just anyone can stick a boob in his mouth to calm him down ;) A few days after making our decision it dawned on me I would get to sleep through the night during my time there! Yessssssssss!

GGma holding Gage, Madelyn, and Jonah

Jonah had his first trip to Iowa to visit his new cousin Gage, meet Papa Shaffer, his great grandma Anona, and have a baby shower hosted by his GREAT aunt Lila ;) My cousin Heidi was there from Kansas City with her 6 month old Mazzie, so our grandma got to hold her 3 newest great grandbabies at the same time! My mom even made the trip up from Phoneix to meet baby Gage and see our little Jonah again.

On August 26th Jonah was baptized at Calvary Lutheran Church in Golden Valley, MN. Again we were blessed by SO MANY family members making the journey to be with us on his special day. Jonah saw Gpa Jim, Gma Leslee and Aunt Megan again, met GGma Shipman, Uncle Wade and Aunt Shanne for the first time, and got to see Uncle Nick and family for the second weekend in a row! He was a champ during the baptism, not crying, puking or pooping ;) He also got me all excited by sleeping through the night two nights in a row after his baptism. I was convinced that he must be at peace or something but that was short lived. We still get up twice every night to eat. Someday...

To end the summer Jonah and I traveled to NW Iowa for Gage's baptism all. by. ourselves. We're really going to miss Uncle Nick and family from here on out after seeing them three weekends in a row! We came back north and spent the rest of the weekend with Daddy; going to the MN State Fair and out for brunch with Uncle Todd and Brad. No wonder August went by so quickly! I vow to take it easy and enjoy the beautiful fall weather here at home from here on out. 

Sorry for the long post... I had so much updating to do! I'm not ready for the long holiday weekend to be over just yet... I see a "staycation" day in my very near future...

Hands down

Oysters have become my birthday tradition :) YUMMMM

Don't worry I'm way over my little fit from last weekend. I had a great time on my birthday and ended up waking to (bottle) feed Jonah all night anyway just to spend time with him. I then spent the entire next day feeling sad and guilty for spending the evening without my two favorite boys ;) Yup, I'm officially a mom!  After this birthday I'm officially advanced maternal age too... ug.  I could not imagine the breast feeding/pumping routine with a toddler running around and I wonder how quickly our #2 will join us.  Yes, I'm 11 weeks post partum and already thinking about another baby!!! Bring it.

Jonah continues to be more and more interactive and alert. Lately I've been uber-obsessed with his little hands. Tuesday morning when I was sad and a wee bit hungover he was sleeping so soundly in his swing with his little hands resting on his knees... I so did not want to leave him.  I posted another video to YouTube of the way he moves them around when he's eating.  He's figuring out that he makes them move and when his two hands find each other I think it's just so cute!

He still giggles too. Dang I wish I could get that on tape. One day this week I took him into our bed so I could rest during that last feeding before starting my day. I laid him on my chest afterwards and he was giggling in his sleep like crazy; Dustin and I were laughing so hard. Jonah's so good for our souls.

Today we're headed to NW Iowa to meet our new little nephew Gage. He and Jonah have some pretty cute matching outfits to sport this winter already thanks to yours truly! My mom and grandma will be in town and my aunt is hosting a baby shower for us on Sunday.  My dad will also get to meet Jonah for the very first time :)

this photo was taken at the class we took to prepare for his
baptism... this is how he looked when we walked in-- he is
definitely taking his baptism seriously :D

Next weekend is Jonah's baptism!  We're so honored that both of his God parents are making great efforts to be here... my brother and his family are driving up, and Dustin's sister flying in. We're so fortunate to each have a sibling that fit the role so perfectly.  Jonah's GGma Shipman is flying in from Springfield and his Grandma Leslee from Maryland as well.


Work has gone exceptionally well in the few weeks that I've been back. In my business it's all about selling new products, and I've made great strides in a short period of time which lets my boss know I'm out there doing what I'm supposed to do.  I've been chosen to represent my region at the American College of Surgeons annual meeting in October.  This would require three nights away from home. Here enters my first mommy/career woman dilemma.  I don't even know what it would be like to be without my baby for three whole nights... much less how Dustin would handle me being away.  Thankfully I've been given the choice to accept or decline, but it's one of those things you're so honored to be chosen you hate to decline. I guess we'll have plenty of time to discuss this on the road this weekend.  Stay tuned.