#countingsheep

Man am I wide awake. It's 1:13am and I'm already sick of all the other websites I frequent... Shutterfly, Facebook, Pinterest... 

Without going into great detail the company I work for is going through some major changes. Myself and my co-workers will find out Thursday if we have a "seat on the bus" or not with the whole reorganization that's been slowly and painfully unfolding over the past 12 months. In the 19 years I've been working I haven't ever had to worry about losing my job (gulp. That makes me sound old!) I don't think I'm at a huge risk for losing it, but if I've learned anything it's that nothing in life is a guarantee.  So everything feels has like it's in a bit of a standstill at the moment. 

A job in Iowa has come and gone and is possibly coming again, but this time it may not in the area we want... and I thought I liked roller coaster rides! When I initially took the job here I sold the idea to Dustin by saying "We can create our own little life!" Which we have. We're very comfortable in our home and with each other. But there's something missing. I've met some great girls, but they're scattered all over the city, all at different points in their lives. We've even met a few "couple friends", but still we're only interacting with others about once every 4-6 weeks. That's not enough for me. My sweet cousin the photographer did live here with her hubs (who Dustin loves) for a little over a year and just moved away this July; I'm really feeling the void she left behind. I would say my closest friends are my co-workers, but sometimes that can be tricky too. 

People seem to hold you at an arms length in Minnesota- like they don't want to "let you in". Part of the issue has to do with my husband being an introvert in stark contrast to my extrovertedness. He's happy to go to work and come home to Jonah and I. The gym is his extracurricular activity. Our outings together either involve shopping or going to the movies (pre-baby), which is all fine and dandy but I. want. people. I miss tailgating and family gatherings for birthdays. I want people to invite us to their house, meet us at the movies and celebrate the small victories in life with us. I just don't have a sense of community here and I'm not sure quite how to get it. Should it be so hard? Am I the one being difficult or resistant?

Time will tell and I know that everything will work out for the best, but right now I'm weighing all the options. In my head. When I should be sleeping.

I'm also thinking about (and sometimes pinning) that dream house in Iowa, where there's enough room for ALL of our shoes on the shelves in the closets and Jonah grows up knowing his cousins. <3