Left out

Man- I hate to be the Debbie Downer but this holiday weekend is not exactly what I had anticipated. I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night par-oozing the internet and feeling sorry for myself~ just what you want to hear about, right?

Did I make the right decision in moving us here...?! I'm so haunted by this thought.

The fact that my boss is riding with me next week (spending 3 days doing everything that I do, with me) is lingering over me like a black cloud. He's a great guy; it's a great company. I just know there's something about this sales gig that is NOT me. I've started to refer to it as the golden handcuffs.

I wonder if this is something I'll just always feel...? Am I just someone who can't be happy...?! If you look at my resume I've switched jobs about every 3 years. When I was in nursing that was something that was frowned upon, but even in my first interview with Johnson & Johnson they took one look at that and laughed, saying it looked like the resume of a sales rep. I thought for sure I had found my niche. The fact that it was a pay increase (nurses are SEVERELY underpaid in Iowa) and included benefits such as a pension, paid cell phone plan and company car seemed like a dream come true.

That job is what moved Dustin and I out of Cedar Rapids to begin with back in 2009. That in and of itself was a huge undertaking- being married to someone who is nearly deathly allergic to change. We never did sell the home we moved out of and it's been a rental property ever since. Now it's my job (or my decision to take a new job) that moved us back here, which is once again a huge upset to our little fruit basket. As it stands today we now have a house in MN to sell and Dustin still looking for a job. What the eff ewe see kay am I doing...?!? Who let this girl be in charge? Is there any way I can pass the baton?

I know this roller coaster is on its way back up. My beautiful baby boy is about to have a birthday party- that I will pull together if it kills me. My ride along with my boss will go just fine. We'll sell our house in MN and Dustin will be working soon. Hopefully my feelings of suffocation regarding my job will pass with the rest of the stress and the icing on the cake would be a new little munchkin on the way :) 

As turned off as I've been by religion lately I think it's time to get back in touch with my spiritual side. xx