Catch up...

I love this photo. Felicia sent me this one while I was in NJ... what more could a working mama ask for.

is the name of the game I'm playing. Catch up on life. Catch up on emails and phone calls and laundry... catch up on time. Catch up on fricking housework (cannot wait for the cleaning lady Dustin promised me in Iowa). Now I'm trying to catch up on my blog. I remember my friend Kristin telling me there will come a time when things change so quickly with Jonah it will be hard to keep up. We're officially there! 

In the past few weeks he's discovered his hands. Which is even more adorable than him sucking on his toes believe it or not. He'll be playing with something then suddenly realize his hand is in front of him and look at it as if he just had his nails done. Fricking adorable. 


He had his 6 month appointment on Friday and remains on track as a long and lean little boy... 25th percentile for weight and 75-85th for height.  And 100% perfect I might add. He's also started babbling more than I remember ever hearing a baby babble. "Babababa" and "cacacaca" have taken on a whole new level of importance in our house. And his laughs. Oh my gosh he laughs SO hard. It's like the heavens have opened up and love and life have been poured into my soul. 

I finally found the courage and determination to decorate for Christmas. A special shout out to my mother in law who cannot get enough of Mr. Man, and watched him for the entire day on Friday while I cleaned my house like a crazed woman with a meth addiction. I nested. I embraced Christmas like I've never embraced Christmas before. I had so many fond memories while cleaning and decorating I missed my mom like mad. It was glorious!

Gage and Jonah

This weekend we were blessed with the presence of my brother's family. His little boy and Jonah are just 6 weeks apart. I'm usually so focused on cleaning and whatever else it's hard to relax and enjoy the time with my niece and nephew (Kaide is 3 and Skyler 5). This time around it was great to have Jonah doing tummy time and being able to slow down and enjoy life with the kiddos. Somehow all the other stuff STILL got done ;) 

Tonight while putting Jonah to bed- who was a tad crabby and possibly teething and/or getting his first little cold- I had my first dose of "Christmas magic". I know it sounds a little nuts, but I really felt something that I have never in my life experienced. All the lights were out and he was trying to settle down, and the tiny little Christmas tree in his room was lit up. I felt centered and so very grateful. We have so very much to be thankful for this year. God is so good.

Posting on the fly....

I'm actually typing this on a plane on my way back to New Jersey for week 2 of training for my new job.  It was so good to be home for the weekend although my heart aches just as much as it did last Sunday when I left my boys. Reuniting with Jonah after being away for 5 nights was amazing- I was surprised at my emotions and he was surprised to wake up half way home from the airport and see me in front of him! :D Although there was a moment of panic I actually did have enough pumped milk in the freezer to last through the week and brought another batch home for this week. My company has the nicest "nurture space" complete with a sink, a fridge and magazines for me to do my thing while I'm at the institute. The only part that sucks is when my boobs wake me up in the middle of the night and all I have is a stupid pump to turn to rather than a snuggly little boy. I had some problems falling back asleep after the mid-night pumping sesh at first-- 2 hours of insomnia is not fun when you're sitting in a classroom all day long. Wednesday night Dustin said about flying solo with Jonah: "it's been a lot of work but it's been a lot of fun too".  That coupled with a glass of wine or two made for a full night's sleep... and a full 9 ounces of milk in the morning!

As expected Dustin was amazing and Felicia sent the cutest text messages and pictures every day. We were able to FaceTime every night, Jonah responded so much more compared to my October trip to Chicago.

The moving deal is working itself out... Dustin and I decided NOT to rent out our home in Minnesota and rather wait until March to list it (upon suggestion from our realtor/uncle whom we trust completely). It's going to suck to pay for a home we're not living in, but I would rather do that than rent it at a loss every month and have strangers live in it for a year only to have to deal with it next winter. I feel good about our decision. I found a home for us to rent in Cedar Rapids that has a fenced in yard for "the guys" (our two Puggles that I just realized I don't really talk much about...oopsy) and is close to family-- and just a mile from my best friend and her 14 month old I might add :)  We're going to be stretched thin for a little bit but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Jonah continues to transition into the most adorable little boy ever. He's really good at fighting naps for us on the weekends which makes for really long days. This weekend I said to Dustin: "we need to ask Felicia what she does" and he said she runs the vacuum cleaner.  Of course! Today after about an hour of feeding him and trying to coax him to sleep I laid him down and turned on the blow dryer, and low and behold the little munchkin slept for a few hours! What am I going to do without Felicia. Above everything leaving her and her boys makes me the saddest. Little Dylan is such a softie... I actually shed a few tears on my way home from my final interview knowing I nailed it and that would mean we would be moving away. I've got to think of something really special to do for them before we go.

I'm still carrying around that damn 10 pounds. I took a break from the gym inadvertently-- with the layoffs and interviewing and that laryngitis along with an annoying knee pain and Jonah starting solids meaning dinner time replaced my normal gym time. I just couldn't-- or didn't-- fit it in. After a few visits to PT I'm starting to run again and feel so good about it. It's something I can fit in anywhere, and I'm just committing to 3 days a week. I'll be happy to get into more of a regimen once life settles down a bit, but for now I'm just thankful to be back at it. This weekend I asked Dustin if he thought I would ever get back to my normal self and he replied: "if you want to". What a powerful statement! I do want to!!! Since I'm in sales and goal oriented I wrote down some goals for myself. They're actually pretty easy and attainable:

1. lose 4 lbs/month (about 1 lb/week) which would put me at my pre preg weight by March.

2. continue the couch to 5k program (followed by the 5k to 10k) running 3 days a week

3. limit sweets to 3 bites a day 

Actually I didn't write that third one down but thought of it later and think it deserves a spot on my post it note. The good news is I'm not obsessing about it anymore. Maybe it's the happy pills doing their job, or the fact that I'm running again... whatever it is it feels good to notice someone checking me out and think to myself "I look alright for having a six month old at home". And I'm only going to look better! 

I found out this week the National Sales meeting for my new company is in Puerto Rico.....!!!! I'm so stoked! One thing I learned from my Grandparents Elliott was that life is all about making memories. I love to travel and make memories and fortunately so does Dustin, so no matter how tight money is we will always figure out a way to see the world.  I can't wait to see Jonah in his little Batman swimming suit :D xx

I deserve...

My friend Danielle is so wonderful and wise beyond her years. She is 10 years my junior and we compliment each other so well. She grew up on the East coast and Little Miss Midwest here can learn a LOT from her about how to get what you want when you want it. She's also my fashion expert. One of the many things I love about "us" is my transition into motherhood didn't change or slow down our friendship. Before Jonah we would work out together and spend hours eating sushi. After Jonah we take him in the stroller for a run, or meet for lunch, or go shopping... I feel guilty being so excited to move home when she's right here, and we chatted about it over a drink after shopping yesterday (while Jonah squirmed and ate the tissue paper out of our Express bag). She said "you deserve to be surrounded with people that lead a similar life"... just like she deserves to be surrounded by bar hopping hotties! ;) She's so spot on. Don't get me wrong, I love drinking wine and FaceTiming with my mom, or my best friend in Texas... but that's just not the same as having people here. I will miss her terribly, but I know we have one of those friendships that will conquer the test of time and distance.

SO Jonah~!! At five and a half months he's outgrown most of his 3-6 month clothes. All his long sleeves were too short! On to 9 month outfits! I love being able to walk through the baby section at Target and actually purchase things now. That was something I couldn't wait to do all those months we were trying to get pregnant. I also love picking out his outfits for each day :) I always have to find socks that match whatever he's wearing. OCD that's ME!!! Dustin's mom and sister got him some great little socks, but he's outgrown all of them already... and something I learned the hard way while we were up north last month was that babies need tall socks in the winter. Duh- I know. I spent most of our time hiking holding on to his cold little calves :(

We only tried sweet potatoes a few times...

He's moved on past oatmeal and on to other foods. bananas, avocado, sweet potato, pears and now peas. Adding that little dinner time into our daily routine is SO much fun, however, it's replaced me going to the gym. In fact I haven't been in a good routine since we started him on solids the beginning of October :/ I'm trying not to focus on that. Some day I'll be Supermom. For now I'm prioritizing. First comes Jonah, then Dustin, then work. I haven't found time for Sarah just yet. I guess I could be working out right now, huh....

Happy Birthday Henry!!!

I'm a big proponent of beautiful people reproducing. I'm pleased to announce the arrival of a beautifully crafted little boy, Mr. Henry Norman. He was born to a friend of mine from nursing school on Wednesday November 14th. Henry breathed in some stool during delivery, so his first 10 days will likely be spent in the NICU. My heart is both bursting with excitement and aching for my dear friend. I can't imagine the roller-coaster of emotions (and hormones) she must be feeling right now. Please pray for her and her new little family. xx

Happy pill

I'm not sure why I feel ashamed or embarrassed that I take medication for anxiety/depression... it's actually pretty common. I guess we all want to be "normal" naturally. Well I'm not naturally normal, and actually I'm pretty darn thankful for my little happy pill otherwise known as Zoloft. I went off of it when I found out I was pregnant... I think that, diet soda, and lunchmeat were about the only things I gave up. I ate sushi and drank a glass of wine here or there (gasp!) from the get go. I told people I was following the European standards for a healthy pregnancy ;) Back in February a job in Iowa popped up, and my sales director promptly "blocked" me from being able to even post for it much less interview. Gotta love a high dose of Corporate America in your second trimester. I did not handle that well. I remember bawling and apologizing to baby Jonah at the same time... I was so worried my crazy emotions were going to hurt him. My nurse practitioner encouraged me to start taking Zoloft again, but I refused. Naturally there's not formal research on the topic (no pregnant woman in her right mind would be a guinea pig for such a study) and it's only been around since the 1970's. I told the NP I would rather not, however, I did have a glass of red wine here or there to help me relax. You would've thought I told her I was snorting cocaine!!! She did NOT like that at all. Interestingly enough a pretty extensive study was released just after I gave birth, proving what I and those woman in Europe have never doubted. Nana nana boo boo.

I managed okay without that happy pill until my 6 week post-partum check up. I guess I'm not really as truthful in my blog as I claim to be, because I was feeling absolutely panicky at that point. I would cry about something every. single. day, and didn't realize it was an issue until the weekends when Dustin was home and noticed. The thought of going back to work was absolutely paralyzing me-- I really did feel like I wasn't going to see my baby ever again. I also don't think I was bonding with him as much as I could've been. I can't elaborate more on that because it makes me feel really guilty and angry at myself for waiting so long to realize I needed a little help. After bawling to my physician (no more Nurse Practitioner for me) and a little convincing on her part I believed taking Zoloft while breastfeeding was 100% safe and started it again. I think even making the decision to start taking it gave me relief... I will never forget sitting with Jonah that afternoon feeling like I was seeing him in a different light. I took two videos of him that day :*) 

My point of all this is that I ran out of Zoloft last week- and my refills expired- and I forgot to return the call from my physician on Friday- and I am FEELING it. I feel really irritable and frustrated, and less patient for the silliest things like when Jonah gets distracted while feeding. (It may not help that we cleaned the carpets this weekend and the rocking chair is now in front of a 46" TV-- what boy wouldn't be distracted...) Actually I kind of feel like I have PMS... which could be possible too I suppose. I imagine I'll get a period again SOMEday ;) Thankfully those awful heart thumping feelings of anxiety haven't shown their ugly head, and I will be sure to put Zoloft on the TOP of my list of things to do tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow... I unofficially start my new job!!! Two weeks of home study, then three weeks in New Jersey for training, then home for 3 weeks, then one more week of training in the field with another representative somewhere in the US. That puts us in IoWa the middle of January. I'm not even going to get started on all the emotions involved with this paragraph... that will just have to wait. xx

I GOT THE JOB.....!!! Wow my interview went SO well. I actually wanted to hire myself afterwards :D I did a great job of prepping myself beforehand, so things came flying out of my mouth without me actually having to think about it. Did I mention I had some nasty virus and lost my voice this week...? So I managed through the interview (and talking about it to numerous people) all without a voice. I'm proud as punch. And so SO excited.

In other exciting news... that amazing woman going through infertility treatments is PrEgNaNt...!!! Holy crap I'm so excited for her. At the same time she's going through the roller coaster of oh-my-God-I'm-pregnant-but-what-if-I-miscarry. It would be nice if that didn't have to be a concern, but every rose has it's thorn as Poison taught us many moons ago. Just a few more weeks and she'll have the ultrasound where you can see the little blob's heartbeat telling us everything is okay. Looking back there were so many times that the wind was knocked out of our pregnant sails. I'll never forget that long weekend of thinking ~just maybe~ our baby may have a chromosomal disorder. I couldn't even talk about that possibility. Not even to Dustin. I was such a hot mess. Looking back on what I blogged about and shared with people they just thought the concern was a two vessel cord... I didn't even talk about the little concern the ultrasound tech had regarding some "spots" on the baby's heart she thought she saw. What a crazy emotional time that was. And now here we are- with the most perfect baby you ever did see :) I'm excited for little Miss Pregnant to feel the comfort of a healthy pregnancy. She deserves it.

SO... Iowa. The Hubs gets so pissed when I blog about him but I don't know how to blog without him so oops :) I don't think the whole moving thing really hit him until Wednesday when I went for my final interview. We talked and talked about it but it was after I got the verbal offer he decided to share with me his thoughts exactly. I love hearing what he thinks even if it's not what I want to hear. He reminded me that we're moving. Again. For my job. Again. This much is true. What can I say? I thought an amazing life awaited us here! I pictured all sorts of amazing things-- Not the busy life that keeps you from spending time with those you're closest to. I would've never have EVER imagined my job changing into something I didn't want to do, with people I didn't want to do it with. I didn't picture us having a baby and going FIVE MONTHS without so much as seeing a movie together. I didn't picture getting so burned out with weekends hosting overnight guests or traveling to see loved ones... 
I'm ready to be home. Where life is easy. Where friends are really there and family near-by. 

On top of that this new career opportunity is VERY exciting for me. I feel like it wouldn't be so easy if it wasn't meant to be. Right?

OK I'm burned out on blogging tonight... until the next time. xx

Five months

... and full of the dickens! Jonah is literally changing before our eyes. I sure wish he wouldn't be in such a hurry. He recently found the back of his throat, so he does this coughing/laugh thing I haven't been able to catch on video just yet. He's also rolling over! For a while he was stealthy about it, only rolling over when we were out of the room. I would put him to bed then see him on his belly on the monitor... or I would have him laying under his play gym in the nursery while I was getting ready and peek in on him and he would've flopped to his belly and back over again. It won't be long and he will be on the go.

I survived the dismissal of over half of my work team. Last week was one of the hardest and most emotional weeks of my life. My two best girl friends lost their jobs, along with two of the guys I worked with. Out of the three companies that merged ours was the only one to lose teammates. It. was. awful.

I also made a flying trip to Cedar Rapids on Thursday to interview for another position with a sister company to mine for a territory in Iowa. The interview went very well and I'm the only one moving on to the next step- interviewing with the sales director in Chicago this Wednesday. My interview skills are rusty; it's been 3 years since I had to interview for anything. I had so many people calling in recommendations for me the hiring manager was basically sold on me by the time I got there, so it was an extremely laid back interview. Wednesday will be more buttoned up I'm sure. I'm reading the book The Challenger Sale that the manager mentioned during the first interview, and he'll call me early in the week to prep me as well.

I think hubby is feeling better about going back. We'll both miss all the amenities Minneapolis has to offer. Last night I dreamt I was talking to my hair stylist... asking how long I could get away with between haircuts :) Time will tell if we need to worry about all that or not.