Calgon take me away...!

Disclosure: this is not a happy post.  The first 9 weeks seemed like a complete walk in the park compared to the cumulative lack of sleep from this past week.  I dealt with it phenomenally... up until 3 am last night.  Then I had a meltdown. Literally.  Sitting in the rocking chair sobbing.

Jonah was doing so great with the eating/sleeping thing- back when I had no reason to get up and be productive during the day.  Now that I'm back to work he's eating at midnight and then every 2 hours after that. He'll only eat on one side and be so tired he'll go back to sleep... only to wake up for another snack about the time I fall into a nice comfortable sleep.  Since feeding takes about 30 minutes, I'm sleeping in 1.5 hour intervals.  Not sustainable. Last night I thought I would throw out all the rules about the middle of the night... I turned on the light, I changed him after he ate on the first side rather than before, I talked to him. Despite all my efforts he would not. wake. up.  Diesel hasn't been feeling great the past few days so he was up puking in the dining room, Chopper has allergies (or so says the vet... we need to get a second opinion) so he OBSESSIVELY licks his paws.  Which is super annoying to listen to especially in the middle of the night.  I just couldn't handle it and sat in the rocker with my sleepy baby and cried.  Hard.  Dustin woke up and tried to help.  He put Jonah to bed and cleaned up the puke.  I cried myself to sleep... until 5 am when Jonah woke up for another nibble.

I'll get it figured out.  No one said it was going to be easy.  It's not really that bad it just all came out at this moment in time. And now I'm going to b*tch about my husband.  Which I don't normally do or condone.

You see tomorrow is my birthday, and my girlfriends are taking me out. The kind of out that requires me to thaw out some of that breast milk I've been so diligently pumping and saving, and dump out the milk I produce while we're at said outing. They're picking me up, and Dustin is coming to get me.  We were discussing this plan and the conversation went something like this:

Dustin: "So are you still going to be able to get up with him and feed him after you get home?"

Me: "Well, it is my birthday... maybe we can split the night or something?  Like you get up until 3 am and I do the early morning shift?"

Dustin:  "I'm not sure how that's going to work... I mean, I have to work the next day.  I'll talk to my boss... maybe I can just take half a day or something on Tuesday..."

TAKE HALF A DAY??!  You have to WORK...?!?!  Well guess what, so do I! And I have been!  And I've been getting up!!! Every two hours!!!  You get to sleep and occasionally get out of bed if/when you feel it's necessary.  You are getting sleep and going to the gym just like you did before and I can barely eat healthy due to being so sleepy much less find the time and/or energy to work OUT.  AND it was MY BODY that went through great lengths to have our baby and really needs a good diet and gym time!!!  AND SLEEP!!!!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I NEED SLEEP.

OK.  That's all I got.  It's not worth fighting over, especially when I'm in this tired, fragile state.  He's being very sweet-- he just doesn't get it.  I tried once to argue my point and he thought since he sits at a desk all day and I get to be "out and about and at least walk around" that made it different. Whatever.  I can handle it.

Sorry it's a ranting, emotion filled post... but it's reality, and it's my life right now.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho....

...it's back to work I go.  I'm happy to say I made it through my first day without completely washing away my eyeliner.  Jonah and I had an amazing last day together getting ready for Dustin's birthday.  We went shopping for his present, got balloons and baked cupcakes and made it look like we'd been eating bon bons all day by the time Dustin got home. Jonah was full of smiles; I swear he knew I needed them to keep my spirits high.

This was taken after his 2 month shots... he weighs
11 lbs 13 ounces already and is over 23 inches tall :)

Dropping him off Wednesday morning was the strangest feeling. I've never been good at goodbyes but my heart has never wrenched quite like it did that day. I was actually thankful my first day was a work meeting with my peers rather than with customers, and my boss (single male with no children) couldn't have been any more considerate. It was nice to be surrounded by friendly faces. The whole pumping deal went without a hitch and I came out ahead by 4 whole ounces! I came home feeling much more balanced and whole, and missing my baby so much I nearly ate him. I feel completely energized at work-- my career has taken on a whole new meaning.

After working Wednesday and Thursday Jonah and I took Friday off to
enjoy the great weather.  I love a 3 day weekend with my boys!

"tummy time for all 3" while I was working :)

Not that it's been easy-- I've been back a week now and it still feels like a limb is missing as I begin my days without him.  Felicia has been awesome though, sending me lots of photos and text messages throughout the day.  I'm also so thankful for the flexibility my job provides-- last night Jonah was especially hungry, so after feeding him at 12, 2, 4, and 6 a.m. I rearranged my schedule and spent the morning snuggling with my baby :) There truly is no better feeling.

Time flies

when you're so in love. I absolutely cannot believe it's my last day of maternity leave. It's a very very strange feeling; I'm having to constantly remind myself Jonah is still my baby and I will still be living with him...! We decided to get up after the 0600 feeding today to get used to waking up early again. Exactly 24 hours from now I'll be walking him over to neighbor Felicia's house and heading to work. The thought is very daunting. Having said that I've accomplished more this week (it's early Tuesday morning) than I did my entire maternity leave~!! It's obvious I work well under pressure and I'm just as much excited as I am terrified for this transition.


Thank God for a helpful neighbor. I don't know how I would be handling this if I was dropping the little man off at a facility with a room full of strangers. The Gobernatz family came over for pizza last night and the two little boys (ages 8 and 9) are so excited to spend the last part of summer vacation with Jonah.  Little Dylan even drew him a picture :) As they walked back to their home last night I asked Mason and Dylan if they would make sure Jonah got lots of hugs and kisses while I was at work and they assured me he would. I know he'll be in great hands.


And how is our adorable little man doing? He continues to grow and grow. I put him in a 3 month sleeper he hadn't worn yet and he's already too long for it! I think he's going to be tall. He hasn't been to the pediatrician for a month or more, and at that time was in the 85% for height. We go again Friday so I'm eager to know his stats. 

Jonah is such an alert little guy. He's not much for napping in the afternoon. He's really strong... and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother! Even on day 2 in the hospital he could hold his head up a little bit, and now he enjoys standing (with one of us steadying him of course). The look of concentration as he tries to balance his head and his body at the same time is priceless-- most of the time he sticks his little tongue out :-p He loves to stare at whatever art work is behind us as he stands whether it be on the painting behind the love seat in the living room or the canvas of him in his nursery.



It's been such a hot and dry summer--half of the country is experiencing a severe drought in fact-- so we've been pretty limited on our activities outside the house. This past weekend it was finally nice enough to spend some time outside other than quick walks with the dogs around our neighborhood, so the three of us headed to Lake Calhoun for a little stroll! It was a bit too close to Jonah's dinner time by the time we got there, so we made it short and sweet but still very much enjoyable. I know for a fact both Jonah and I are going stir crazy cooped up in the house, as I've noticed in the late afternoon when he starts to get fussy if I take him outside on the deck he is silent and completely content. Hopefully he is a little outside bug like his mama! :) I'm excited to have a little buddy for bike rides and swimming pools.

this is an old photo from Valentine's day
(2008 maybe?) and he would shoot me if
he saw it... but he won't and it's one of my favorites ;)

Well, tomorrow is not only my first day back at work but also Dustin's 32nd birthday...! Jonah and I have a lot on our list of things to do today to get ready. I'd better get in the kitchen and start making his sprinkle cupcakes. Please say a prayer for me tomorrow... did I mention my first day back is a 10 hour meeting with my team, my boss and his boss? Ahhhh why not dive right in, right? Here's to hoping my face and my chest stay dry all day. xx

baby noises

Jonah is seven weeks old today, and I'm feeling much better about the passing time than I was less than a week ago. Thank the Lord! This week is my last full week with him at home, and I will be ready to go back to work on August 1st. I'm a little nervous about getting both of us ready in the morning and pumping while I'm out and about, etc, but I'm sure just like everything else it will all work out just fine. 

The changes I've witnessed in the past week are amazing!  Suddenly he has a little voice. His cries are the same with an added sound; it's hard to explain but none the less amazing. His "coos" are more often and more animated, especially when he talks to his stuffed friends in his crib. He is definitely smiling on purpose. Earning the right to one of his big gummy grins has to be one of life's greatest pleasures.

Our first family trip to Chicago at 5 weeks.

He loves music, in fact he requires it. He will tolerate actually swinging in his swing on occasion, but always the music. He sleeps with a radio in his room, and if he's getting fussy in the car I just crank up the radio and he quiets down.

On the way home from Chicago... sick of the carseat perhaps?

I'm also s-l-o-w-l-y shedding my "she just had a baby" look. I'm learning the pounds don't necessarily fall off if you breastfeed like everyone claims; your body typically hangs on to anywhere from 10-20 lbs until you wean. That's a little disheartening but knowing that I'm doing the absolute best thing for my baby makes the sacrifice worth it.  I broke down and purchased a pair of jean capris this week in the size that I need which is the best money I've spent in a long time!  I love my Lulu but a girl can only live in yoga pants for so long ;)

Photography is chicken soup for my soul.

I have an abundance of beautiful photos thanks to my extremely talented cousin Jenni.  I shared some with you already.  I shared some on Facebook.  I just can't share them enough.  They were all taken within the first two weeks of Jonah's little life.  He's now 6 weeks old and long since grown out of his newborn clothing and diapers.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to still be having baby blues, but the thought of him growing up so quickly literally haunts me.  I'm told the eating/sleeping thing will get much better... and I know it will be so much fun to watch him grow into himself... I just want to freeze this moment in time.  I just want to stay here a little. bit. longer.  

These feelings were SO strong the first few weeks after delivery.  I coped by videotaping a little clip of him nearly everyday like a crazed lunatic.  I posted them on YouTube so anyone who looks at my channel will see just what a nut case I really am. They will also see some cute videos of our little man :) xx

Awe~!!!

It's really hard to understand what people mean when they try to explain parenthood... "it's a love you've never experienced before" or "it's the hardest job you'll ever love."  If I could describe my feelings in one word it would be awe.  I'm in awe of my body.  I'm in awe of my maker.  I'm in awe of my husband.  And I'm absolutely in awe of our sweet little Jonah.

As always, the amazing photography is compliments of Jenni O Photography
www.jenniophotography.com

We've all seen a newborn baby before.  They're so cute with their little toes and little noses... but seeing your OWN baby is like seeing a three eyed purple alien~!  Dustin and I would just (and still do) STARE at him in complete awe.  It is an absolute miracle.  It's a little "us"!

One thing that especially amazes me are all the little movements and noises that he makes.  When he stretches he makes tiny little baby stretching noises.  When he eats he moves his little foot around.  His little baby coughs are adorable.  When he sticks out his bottom lip tears spring to my eyes. And then there are the smiles-- oh the smiles!  Sometimes he'll be eating and he'll stop and kind of giggle... like he just remembered something so funny~!!! :)

One of my co-workers asked me after the first two weeks at home if we're starting to notice his little personality yet. So far "feisty" sums it up.  He makes a lot of little grunting noises when he's waking up-- like he really means business.  Sometimes when he's super hungry he shakes his head and makes grunting noises as he latches on-- like he's saying "what the heck took you so long, Mom!"

We can't figure out who he looks like though.  Uncle Todd says he looks a lot like baby Dustin.  He for sure has Dustin's legs and feet.  I think he has my nose.  I'm excited to see what color his eyes turn out to be.

And all the talk about getting no sleep and being so miserable...?  Well first of all I mentioned before I think Jonah is just a really good baby.  Secondly, when I'm up in the middle of the night- maybe just a little cranky from lack of sleep- the minute I smell his baby smell and see his perfect little self I melt. It is the hardest job I've ever loved! And I'm so in love with this little boy.

One month~!

It's July 2, 2012 and Jonah is one month old...!!!