I deserve...

My friend Danielle is so wonderful and wise beyond her years. She is 10 years my junior and we compliment each other so well. She grew up on the East coast and Little Miss Midwest here can learn a LOT from her about how to get what you want when you want it. She's also my fashion expert. One of the many things I love about "us" is my transition into motherhood didn't change or slow down our friendship. Before Jonah we would work out together and spend hours eating sushi. After Jonah we take him in the stroller for a run, or meet for lunch, or go shopping... I feel guilty being so excited to move home when she's right here, and we chatted about it over a drink after shopping yesterday (while Jonah squirmed and ate the tissue paper out of our Express bag). She said "you deserve to be surrounded with people that lead a similar life"... just like she deserves to be surrounded by bar hopping hotties! ;) She's so spot on. Don't get me wrong, I love drinking wine and FaceTiming with my mom, or my best friend in Texas... but that's just not the same as having people here. I will miss her terribly, but I know we have one of those friendships that will conquer the test of time and distance.

SO Jonah~!! At five and a half months he's outgrown most of his 3-6 month clothes. All his long sleeves were too short! On to 9 month outfits! I love being able to walk through the baby section at Target and actually purchase things now. That was something I couldn't wait to do all those months we were trying to get pregnant. I also love picking out his outfits for each day :) I always have to find socks that match whatever he's wearing. OCD that's ME!!! Dustin's mom and sister got him some great little socks, but he's outgrown all of them already... and something I learned the hard way while we were up north last month was that babies need tall socks in the winter. Duh- I know. I spent most of our time hiking holding on to his cold little calves :(

We only tried sweet potatoes a few times...

He's moved on past oatmeal and on to other foods. bananas, avocado, sweet potato, pears and now peas. Adding that little dinner time into our daily routine is SO much fun, however, it's replaced me going to the gym. In fact I haven't been in a good routine since we started him on solids the beginning of October :/ I'm trying not to focus on that. Some day I'll be Supermom. For now I'm prioritizing. First comes Jonah, then Dustin, then work. I haven't found time for Sarah just yet. I guess I could be working out right now, huh....

Happy Birthday Henry!!!

I'm a big proponent of beautiful people reproducing. I'm pleased to announce the arrival of a beautifully crafted little boy, Mr. Henry Norman. He was born to a friend of mine from nursing school on Wednesday November 14th. Henry breathed in some stool during delivery, so his first 10 days will likely be spent in the NICU. My heart is both bursting with excitement and aching for my dear friend. I can't imagine the roller-coaster of emotions (and hormones) she must be feeling right now. Please pray for her and her new little family. xx

Happy pill

I'm not sure why I feel ashamed or embarrassed that I take medication for anxiety/depression... it's actually pretty common. I guess we all want to be "normal" naturally. Well I'm not naturally normal, and actually I'm pretty darn thankful for my little happy pill otherwise known as Zoloft. I went off of it when I found out I was pregnant... I think that, diet soda, and lunchmeat were about the only things I gave up. I ate sushi and drank a glass of wine here or there (gasp!) from the get go. I told people I was following the European standards for a healthy pregnancy ;) Back in February a job in Iowa popped up, and my sales director promptly "blocked" me from being able to even post for it much less interview. Gotta love a high dose of Corporate America in your second trimester. I did not handle that well. I remember bawling and apologizing to baby Jonah at the same time... I was so worried my crazy emotions were going to hurt him. My nurse practitioner encouraged me to start taking Zoloft again, but I refused. Naturally there's not formal research on the topic (no pregnant woman in her right mind would be a guinea pig for such a study) and it's only been around since the 1970's. I told the NP I would rather not, however, I did have a glass of red wine here or there to help me relax. You would've thought I told her I was snorting cocaine!!! She did NOT like that at all. Interestingly enough a pretty extensive study was released just after I gave birth, proving what I and those woman in Europe have never doubted. Nana nana boo boo.

I managed okay without that happy pill until my 6 week post-partum check up. I guess I'm not really as truthful in my blog as I claim to be, because I was feeling absolutely panicky at that point. I would cry about something every. single. day, and didn't realize it was an issue until the weekends when Dustin was home and noticed. The thought of going back to work was absolutely paralyzing me-- I really did feel like I wasn't going to see my baby ever again. I also don't think I was bonding with him as much as I could've been. I can't elaborate more on that because it makes me feel really guilty and angry at myself for waiting so long to realize I needed a little help. After bawling to my physician (no more Nurse Practitioner for me) and a little convincing on her part I believed taking Zoloft while breastfeeding was 100% safe and started it again. I think even making the decision to start taking it gave me relief... I will never forget sitting with Jonah that afternoon feeling like I was seeing him in a different light. I took two videos of him that day :*) 

My point of all this is that I ran out of Zoloft last week- and my refills expired- and I forgot to return the call from my physician on Friday- and I am FEELING it. I feel really irritable and frustrated, and less patient for the silliest things like when Jonah gets distracted while feeding. (It may not help that we cleaned the carpets this weekend and the rocking chair is now in front of a 46" TV-- what boy wouldn't be distracted...) Actually I kind of feel like I have PMS... which could be possible too I suppose. I imagine I'll get a period again SOMEday ;) Thankfully those awful heart thumping feelings of anxiety haven't shown their ugly head, and I will be sure to put Zoloft on the TOP of my list of things to do tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow... I unofficially start my new job!!! Two weeks of home study, then three weeks in New Jersey for training, then home for 3 weeks, then one more week of training in the field with another representative somewhere in the US. That puts us in IoWa the middle of January. I'm not even going to get started on all the emotions involved with this paragraph... that will just have to wait. xx

I GOT THE JOB.....!!! Wow my interview went SO well. I actually wanted to hire myself afterwards :D I did a great job of prepping myself beforehand, so things came flying out of my mouth without me actually having to think about it. Did I mention I had some nasty virus and lost my voice this week...? So I managed through the interview (and talking about it to numerous people) all without a voice. I'm proud as punch. And so SO excited.

In other exciting news... that amazing woman going through infertility treatments is PrEgNaNt...!!! Holy crap I'm so excited for her. At the same time she's going through the roller coaster of oh-my-God-I'm-pregnant-but-what-if-I-miscarry. It would be nice if that didn't have to be a concern, but every rose has it's thorn as Poison taught us many moons ago. Just a few more weeks and she'll have the ultrasound where you can see the little blob's heartbeat telling us everything is okay. Looking back there were so many times that the wind was knocked out of our pregnant sails. I'll never forget that long weekend of thinking ~just maybe~ our baby may have a chromosomal disorder. I couldn't even talk about that possibility. Not even to Dustin. I was such a hot mess. Looking back on what I blogged about and shared with people they just thought the concern was a two vessel cord... I didn't even talk about the little concern the ultrasound tech had regarding some "spots" on the baby's heart she thought she saw. What a crazy emotional time that was. And now here we are- with the most perfect baby you ever did see :) I'm excited for little Miss Pregnant to feel the comfort of a healthy pregnancy. She deserves it.

SO... Iowa. The Hubs gets so pissed when I blog about him but I don't know how to blog without him so oops :) I don't think the whole moving thing really hit him until Wednesday when I went for my final interview. We talked and talked about it but it was after I got the verbal offer he decided to share with me his thoughts exactly. I love hearing what he thinks even if it's not what I want to hear. He reminded me that we're moving. Again. For my job. Again. This much is true. What can I say? I thought an amazing life awaited us here! I pictured all sorts of amazing things-- Not the busy life that keeps you from spending time with those you're closest to. I would've never have EVER imagined my job changing into something I didn't want to do, with people I didn't want to do it with. I didn't picture us having a baby and going FIVE MONTHS without so much as seeing a movie together. I didn't picture getting so burned out with weekends hosting overnight guests or traveling to see loved ones... 
I'm ready to be home. Where life is easy. Where friends are really there and family near-by. 

On top of that this new career opportunity is VERY exciting for me. I feel like it wouldn't be so easy if it wasn't meant to be. Right?

OK I'm burned out on blogging tonight... until the next time. xx

Five months

... and full of the dickens! Jonah is literally changing before our eyes. I sure wish he wouldn't be in such a hurry. He recently found the back of his throat, so he does this coughing/laugh thing I haven't been able to catch on video just yet. He's also rolling over! For a while he was stealthy about it, only rolling over when we were out of the room. I would put him to bed then see him on his belly on the monitor... or I would have him laying under his play gym in the nursery while I was getting ready and peek in on him and he would've flopped to his belly and back over again. It won't be long and he will be on the go.

I survived the dismissal of over half of my work team. Last week was one of the hardest and most emotional weeks of my life. My two best girl friends lost their jobs, along with two of the guys I worked with. Out of the three companies that merged ours was the only one to lose teammates. It. was. awful.

I also made a flying trip to Cedar Rapids on Thursday to interview for another position with a sister company to mine for a territory in Iowa. The interview went very well and I'm the only one moving on to the next step- interviewing with the sales director in Chicago this Wednesday. My interview skills are rusty; it's been 3 years since I had to interview for anything. I had so many people calling in recommendations for me the hiring manager was basically sold on me by the time I got there, so it was an extremely laid back interview. Wednesday will be more buttoned up I'm sure. I'm reading the book The Challenger Sale that the manager mentioned during the first interview, and he'll call me early in the week to prep me as well.

I think hubby is feeling better about going back. We'll both miss all the amenities Minneapolis has to offer. Last night I dreamt I was talking to my hair stylist... asking how long I could get away with between haircuts :) Time will tell if we need to worry about all that or not.

#countingsheep

Man am I wide awake. It's 1:13am and I'm already sick of all the other websites I frequent... Shutterfly, Facebook, Pinterest... 

Without going into great detail the company I work for is going through some major changes. Myself and my co-workers will find out Thursday if we have a "seat on the bus" or not with the whole reorganization that's been slowly and painfully unfolding over the past 12 months. In the 19 years I've been working I haven't ever had to worry about losing my job (gulp. That makes me sound old!) I don't think I'm at a huge risk for losing it, but if I've learned anything it's that nothing in life is a guarantee.  So everything feels has like it's in a bit of a standstill at the moment. 

A job in Iowa has come and gone and is possibly coming again, but this time it may not in the area we want... and I thought I liked roller coaster rides! When I initially took the job here I sold the idea to Dustin by saying "We can create our own little life!" Which we have. We're very comfortable in our home and with each other. But there's something missing. I've met some great girls, but they're scattered all over the city, all at different points in their lives. We've even met a few "couple friends", but still we're only interacting with others about once every 4-6 weeks. That's not enough for me. My sweet cousin the photographer did live here with her hubs (who Dustin loves) for a little over a year and just moved away this July; I'm really feeling the void she left behind. I would say my closest friends are my co-workers, but sometimes that can be tricky too. 

People seem to hold you at an arms length in Minnesota- like they don't want to "let you in". Part of the issue has to do with my husband being an introvert in stark contrast to my extrovertedness. He's happy to go to work and come home to Jonah and I. The gym is his extracurricular activity. Our outings together either involve shopping or going to the movies (pre-baby), which is all fine and dandy but I. want. people. I miss tailgating and family gatherings for birthdays. I want people to invite us to their house, meet us at the movies and celebrate the small victories in life with us. I just don't have a sense of community here and I'm not sure quite how to get it. Should it be so hard? Am I the one being difficult or resistant?

Time will tell and I know that everything will work out for the best, but right now I'm weighing all the options. In my head. When I should be sleeping.

I'm also thinking about (and sometimes pinning) that dream house in Iowa, where there's enough room for ALL of our shoes on the shelves in the closets and Jonah grows up knowing his cousins. <3

Up North

I love traveling. Even just a quick weekend trip to Iowa to visit family is something I look forward to. Dustin and I were on our way "up north" this weekend talking about how we love taking Jonah with us wherever we go. (It took us about 6 months to figure out where this up north was that everyone from Minneapolis goes to on the weekends... it's really just anywhere in northern MN in case you were wondering the same.) I like being the family that travels together and love that having a baby hasn't really slowed us down. Well besides me selling my motorcycle and all ;) We figured out in Jonah's 4.5 months on this earth he's been on FIVE little getaways! Three times to Iowa, once to Chicago and now the trip Up North.

A co-worker of mine had invited our little family to join his family in the fabulous VRBO home they had rented right on the North Shore of Lake Superior. We did a lot of hiking during the day at a few of the state parks nearby, and also enjoyed a camp fire under the brightest display of stars I've seen in a very long time.

can you see what's on my left ring finger....?
 MY WEDDING RINGS! They fit again!! :)

Thanks to one of my "pregnancy friends" as I call them... some very inspiring girls from an online post-partum group... I discovered the Ergo carrier. One thing Dustin and I learned in a very short time was the Baby Bjorn is only cool in "The Hangover" movie. In real life it puts all the baby's weight on your upper back and causes a great deal of discomfort and a few trips to the chiropractor. With Jonah in my Ergo I was able to hike for hours without anything more than an increased heart-rate. Jonah was such a trooper, sleeping most of the time we hiked. During one hike a bridge wasn't where it was supposed to be according to the map, so we ended up hiking twice as long as anticipated, and baby boy woke up hungry. He was rooting and happened to be at the right level, and since I dressed appropriately (a tank top under my shirt to allow for peek-a-boo free feeding sessions) I popped a boob into his mouth and low and behold we were hiking AND feeding at the same time! Damn I am one talented individual. My mom later said when I told her: "what a good mommy for bringing nutritious snacks" :D HA!

Jonah continues to make leaps and bounds in his development. He not only giggles but laughs-- really hard sometimes. It's absolutely the best sound in the world. He can also arch his back and lift up his little butt-- that comes in handy during diaper changes. Just this morning Dustin saw him roll over from his back to his stomach while trying to get comfortable in his crib! His first feeding moved to about 3am, which means more uninterrupted sleep for me...YIPPIE! He's typically up for the day around 5:30-6. I like my new smiley alarm clock ;) 

What I find so interesting is Jonah's fascination with technology... already! If he's fussy in the car, we just play "Despicable Me" on the iPad and he's mesmerized. We're planning to get a childproofing case soon so we can download all sorts of apps to keep him busy learning while protecting the device from baby bumps and drools. I'm excited for all the silly cartoons and movies we'll get to watch with him.

I've advertised my blog a bit more lately which has produced a few more followers. Curious as to what they might read, I went back in time re-reading several of my posts, both from this blog and the original. It reminded me of our struggles to get pregnant and just how emotionally exhausting that time was. A woman close to me is going through infertility treatments right now, and I really feel as if my experience has helped her feel hopeful about hers. She's one of the most beautiful women I know, she totally needs to reproduce... fill this world with good people!! One more week and we'll know if IUI #2 worked or not... please pray for her. It also reminded me just how blessed we are to have Jonah, to be able to breastfeed him (something that is really a struggle for many other moms), and to not have to worry about all those things that were a concern during our 20 week ultrasound. God is good.