back in the game

Okay I think I'm done being so dramatic for the time being ;) Even though it rained for THREE SOLID DAYS over the holiday weekend it ended up being a great time after all. Moments after I published my last little sob story I got Facebook notifications from those friends I had been so busy pouting over. We had a lovely evening with one of the couples we're closest to, dinner with another and I got SO MUCH stuff done for Jonah's party.

Most importantly this weekend Jonah took his first few steps! What a magical moment that was- first he took just one step towards me from Daddy; then about three!!! I'm so thankful for that memory.

I'm actually looking forward to my boss riding with me this week and think I have some solid meetings set up for us. It's one of those things I dread up until the time comes and then it ends up being a good thing.

AND I'm planning to get my LLC filed with the state this week so I can unveil the little fitness business I've been working on. Remember me desiring that healthy obsession with food/fitness just a few months ago? Thanks to the kickboxing routine I've got a handle on my diet for probably the first time in my life, and now I'm obsessing over this group fitness idea- I am literally bursting at the seams with excitement. Here's hoping someone comes through with some space for me to use so this thing can actually get off the ground! xx

Left out

Man- I hate to be the Debbie Downer but this holiday weekend is not exactly what I had anticipated. I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night par-oozing the internet and feeling sorry for myself~ just what you want to hear about, right?

Did I make the right decision in moving us here...?! I'm so haunted by this thought.

The fact that my boss is riding with me next week (spending 3 days doing everything that I do, with me) is lingering over me like a black cloud. He's a great guy; it's a great company. I just know there's something about this sales gig that is NOT me. I've started to refer to it as the golden handcuffs.

I wonder if this is something I'll just always feel...? Am I just someone who can't be happy...?! If you look at my resume I've switched jobs about every 3 years. When I was in nursing that was something that was frowned upon, but even in my first interview with Johnson & Johnson they took one look at that and laughed, saying it looked like the resume of a sales rep. I thought for sure I had found my niche. The fact that it was a pay increase (nurses are SEVERELY underpaid in Iowa) and included benefits such as a pension, paid cell phone plan and company car seemed like a dream come true.

That job is what moved Dustin and I out of Cedar Rapids to begin with back in 2009. That in and of itself was a huge undertaking- being married to someone who is nearly deathly allergic to change. We never did sell the home we moved out of and it's been a rental property ever since. Now it's my job (or my decision to take a new job) that moved us back here, which is once again a huge upset to our little fruit basket. As it stands today we now have a house in MN to sell and Dustin still looking for a job. What the eff ewe see kay am I doing...?!? Who let this girl be in charge? Is there any way I can pass the baton?

I know this roller coaster is on its way back up. My beautiful baby boy is about to have a birthday party- that I will pull together if it kills me. My ride along with my boss will go just fine. We'll sell our house in MN and Dustin will be working soon. Hopefully my feelings of suffocation regarding my job will pass with the rest of the stress and the icing on the cake would be a new little munchkin on the way :) 

As turned off as I've been by religion lately I think it's time to get back in touch with my spiritual side. xx

*almost* one~!

I haven't blogged for a while again and to be honest I'm not in the best of blogging mindsets at the moment. I think the toll of all the stresses of our move came crashing down on me today. I *literally* went home mid morning absolutely sobbing- I put Jonah down for a nap and then took one myself. Kickboxing helped my mood a little but I am still in the dumps. I can't bring myself to clean, work on Jonah's birthday party planning or my little workout deal I mentioned in my last post. The thought of my boss riding with me next week and everything I need to do to get ready for that is beyond overwhelming. Blogging it is.

So this past weekend we drove to NW Iowa to have a little party with my dad, my Aunt and brother's family! It was a quick trip but super fun. We had a pizza party and the staff members even sang happy birthday to Jonah... to which he cried :) Then Dustin, Jonah and I headed to Lake Okoboji for some family fun- we strolled around the lake and took it all in. I just love summer in Iowa. After that my cousin Jenni and her husband Kyle met up with us to do Jonah's cake smash photo shoot...!  I'm dying to see those photos- she does such an amazing job and he's such an amazing subject. Then we headed back to my brother's for some good food and a movie.

Jonah is ready to walk any day- he can stand unassisted for quite some time and is walking along furniture like a pro. We're never quite sure when he's breaking teeth- the kid is a drooling monster...! He did finally get his top two in and looks so grown up with his toothy smile. He hasn't really picked up any more words, but his little language is amazing to listen to nonetheless. He does this thing when he's tired- it sounds something like: "gong gong gong" but it's really long and drawn out and he says it so loud!

Here are some photos from the weekend- minus the cake smash of course. We will have to be patient for that one ;)

I'm going to have a beer and force myself to look at my work computer for a while. Let's hope for a better day tomorrow. xx

man I wish I would've seen the smudge before I took the picture!

May Day

Holy crap it's May Day already! Today is my brother and sister in law's wedding anniversary; I can't believe it's been nine years since their beautiful day. Time flies.

Tomorrow Jonah will be eleven months old. He's walking along furniture, finally is sprouting his top two teeth, and his personality grows along with the rest of him every day. He is truly a little boy now. He actually weaned himself off of the pacifier about a month ago- if you give it to him he'll just hand it back to you! He's also pretty much over baby food and would rather pick "real people food" off of his high chair tray. He has enjoyed every kind of meat we've given him and LOVES pickles. He is also still obsessed with straws. Every night after my Ferrell's workout he helps me drink my protein shake through a straw :)

His first birthday is literally just around the corner, and the invitations are OUT! I had another great experience with Etsy, using a different company this time. The design cost just $10, and printing was a breeze by using our local Costco- we paid just $14.99 for 50 invites and envelopes...! Perfect! I'm working on the menu and decorations and hoping for perfect weather that day.

I am officially in my fourth week of the "extreme bodyshaping" experience and am happy to report it's going pretty well. I've got the eating down to a science and feel like I'm eating to fuel my body rather than eating to taste the food. I've noticed how different foods make me feel not so great and for sure am aware of when I "cheat". A healthy obsession in the making! I've decided coffee is one of those things I'm not going to give up and throughly enjoy my one (or two) cups in the morning and an occasional afternoon pick-me-up. I am still trying to stay away from all soda. The great thing is when I do break down and have one it certainly doesn't taste as good as it used to. Surprisingly enough staying away from sweets hasn't been hard at all. It helps to have one day a week declared a "cheat day" so I can have that ice cream or cupcake that I've been craving.

I can feel myself improving in class as my fitness level rises, and am starting to feel more comfortable in my skin, although the stupid scale hasn't moved much. We went to Minneapolis last weekend and I was able to hit up a pilates class with my friend Robyn (she is an instructor at Lifetime and her studio is amazing!) Sunday rather than taking the day off I attended a free class offered at the local Lululemon and was bitten by a fitness industry bug.

I'm not going to go into details, but I've started a little venture and am working on establishing my own business here in Cedar Rapids...!  I'm the kind of excited that you wake up in the middle of the night happy to be awake so you can daydream about it :) I'm not planning to quit my job or anything, but am interested in helping others reach their goals without beating the crap out of their bodies OR minds. Right now my goal is to open my doors on September 11. Do you think that's a bad idea? I thought it would be kinda nice to honor our lady America that day.

Project: Hot Mom

Yesterday started day 1 of my new program, which includes eating right and a killer kickboxing/strength routine 6 days a week. I can honestly say I've never been so excited about a fitness routine and am already addicted. I think it taps into my desire to take control of this aspect of my life. 

I pride myself in the fact that I've never been a yo-yo dieter. Actually the only diet I ever recall being on was the no bread, no beer, no pasta routine about a month before my first wedding. 

It's sad I can't really display these pictures anywhere- I love this shot of me, my mom and Aunt Lila. It was literally 100 degrees outside and I was trying to air things out a bit ;)

Now that I say that I remember my journey with food and it all went downhill about that time. Before that I didn't put much thought into what I ate. My roommate at the time- Rachel- was a health NUT, so I did pick up some of her tips in terms of working out, but I just didn't care about nutrition. I had just broken up with my college sweetheart, so naturally lost 10 lbs and people were telling me NOT to lose any more weight. Imagine that!

Thanksgiving 2003

Then I met my first husband, who was also a work out nut. I remember coming home from the bars one night- hungry- and making fried egg sandwiches with real butter. He said "I cannot believe you eat that shit!" I took that as a challenge and began an awful cycle of working out too much and not eating enough, hoping to hear from him that I needed to eat more. You can roll your eyes; it's even humiliating to type that.

I began travel nursing, and moved out to Delaware, living alone and working out twice a day- running in the morning than a full workout after work. I would eat lettuce with tuna for lunch and peanut butter for dinner. 

Then my Grandma Shaffer died. That sent me into a downward spiral... I remember leaving the gym early the day I got the news and going to the mall, wandering around aimlessly feeling so sad and lonely. By the time the mall closed I was so hungry I ordered a big plate of fried rice from Panda Express and ate the. whole. thing. To make matters worse I bummed a cigarette off of a perfect stranger on my way out...! By the time I got back to my apartment the guilt had taken over, and for the very first time I made myself throw up everything I had just eaten. Instead of feeling ashamed or embarrassed I felt... liberated...?! I could eat absolutely anything I wanted and just get rid of it... genius!

I won't bore you with all the details, but I will tell you that went on for about 5 years, after I had been married and divorced and got into a relationship with someone who truly cared for my well being- my husband Dustin :)

He wasn't harsh or judgmental, he just did not want me to do that to myself, and asked me to stop. And I did.

Although I haven't done "that" since before we married over 5 years ago, I haven't really had a healthy relationship with food either. The good news is that I haven't been obsessed over everything I put into my body, but the bad news is I haven't been obsessed over everything I put into my body ;) 

SO after putting on 10 extra lbs during my pregnancy and feeling icky in my own skin- not to mention the entire wardrobe in a size smaller that I can't fit into at the moment- I'm ready to obsess in the healthiest way possible.

Paleo is a great concept, but as my sister in law the nutritionist said "it's just not sustainable". The last thing I want to do is start something that isn't reasonable to continue forever. I don't enjoy cooking as-is; if I'm going to cook it better be something everyone can eat. I need a "real food" diet.

The nutrition portion of the Ferrell's program is so simple: eat 6 small meals a day which include a protein and a carb, lots of water, and unlimited veggies. I've got a log book to write down my meals, and I have a coach who helps to keep me accountable. Apparently it takes longer for women's metabolism to kick start (go figure) so it's a bit of a stretch but my 5 week goal is to lose 2% body fat. I started the diet yesterday, and can say I didn't feel hungry at ALL all day. My challenge is going to be staying away from caffeine (you're not supposed to have ANY!) and drinking enough water (80 oz/day). 

The kickboxing starts tonight. Here goes everything I've got! xx

 

long time no blog...

Wow what a whirlwind this past month has been. I'm behind on pretty much everything: correspondence, bills, blogging...

The good news is Megan and Andy's shower went without a hitch. It was so perfect! Aunt Shanne and I texted photos back and forth for weeks beforehand, and everything we had went together perfectly. The food was great. The flowers Uncle Todd and Leslee brought couldn't have set it off any better. I think everyone had a great time.

Grandma Shipman and Grandma Grabe

Leslee and Todd

The guests of honor

Jonah wasn't feeling the greatest :(

A group of Grabe girls

Thank you Pinterest for all the great ideas!

The food was great!

another Pinterest project....

Ashley found this great idea: "Thank Ewe for touching Megan and Andy's life, now you can touch their baby"!

it was crowded, but cozy

A guessing game.

Our house hasn't fully recovered yet, but I'm not overly concerned. I sure enjoyed every bit of the flowers sticking around after the company was gone :) Unfortunately Jonah was coming down with some awful upper respiratory infection and was so sick for his first Easter :( He was sick enough that we didn't even take him to Grandma's and instead took turns staying home with him.

This past week Jonah turned 10 months old, and my Dad was here for 2 nights for another minor surgery to get all the margins of the pre-cancerous cells. I did NOT freak out this time like I did before thank goodness. I think I got out all of my emotions for an entire year in that post not too long ago.

I took this month's photos in his jammies because they're so stinking cute. He still is just sporting the two bottom teeth, which the pediatrician says is nothing to worry about. He went from crawling everywhere as fast as a little spider to standing up every chance he can get! Last night he had a great time pulling everything off of the bottom two shelves of the bookcase in his room :) He'll be walking in no time. He's still a skinny little runt, weighing in the 9% and still long in the 75% for his age. 

He still loves music and will stop anything he's doing if he hears a song or someone sings to him. He loves puppets- whether on a Baby Einstein movie or in person. He doesn't have the attention span for his jumper or to watch anything on TV anymore; he has got more important things to do! ;)

He's developing his own little appetite which is challenging to figure out at times- especially since we really want him to eat up! He loves chicken, peanut butter and bread, but he's pretty much over any form of baby food that doesn't come in a squeeze pack. He also "ET's" everything, including the opening to the squeeze packs. He sticks his pointer finger in the hole every time to be sure it's patent :D

He's also recently discovered his man parts, which makes bath time pretty entertaining as it goes a little something like this: Splash, splash, wiener check, splash, splash, wiener check. It also makes changing his diaper a little easier; instead of attempting to escape to find something more interesting he spreads his legs and looks for whatever it is down there that feels funny ;) Who knew having a boy could be so fun?!

Speaking of having a boy... I got to be a part of my best friend's gender revealing party on Friday and they are having another BOY!!! I'm so excited for her and so excited for whenever our #2 joins us. 

Alright that's all I have time for today, but I have so much more on my list of blogs I want to write. Look for my battle of the bulge post (I'm starting the Ferrell's program tomorrow...gulP!) and also a post on what I deem to be the necessities of having a newborn. xx

 

~PuErTo RiCo~I

I had so much fun shopping for hats for this little guy :) 

I hate all photos of myself; especially in swimsuits! I'm looking at this as a "before" shot...

Papa and Jonah meeting the ocean for the first time :)

My handsome men

he LOVED the pool :)

A great purchase from Amazon... a travel high chair!

the view from our condo

the streets of Old San Juan

Hiking the rainforest. LOVE my Ergo carrier!

dipping our feet in the water from the waterfall

pictures never do justice

Old San Juan. This was actually my least favorite day of them all...

He's smiling because he just pooped in the sink! HAHAHA thank God for garbage disposals :)

A sandbox is on his birthday wish list :)

Nap time at the beach

my favorite photo.  Yes I am in swimwear.

Pina coladas taste so much better here

Luquillo Beach